There is such power in letting go. In releasing what no longer serves. Letting go not only helps set us free from negative emotions and patterns, but it frees up space in our heart and in our lives for new, more helpful ways of being.
Today I am celebrating the power in letting go of the notion, the hope, the dream of a ‘possible future body’. The thought that maybe someday I’ll be thinner, or more muscular…or, dare I say it….’hot’. Now, as many of you know, I live and breathe unconditional body acceptance. In the last fifteen years I have made great strides in feeling good in my ‘right here, right now body’ and am proud of who I am and how I look. Still…there has been this deeply buried hope that my body at some point might change and become more like the current beauty ideal. Even as I embraced the practice of Health at Every Size and shifted my motivations for healthy behaviours from changing how I look to changing how I feel, I realized that sometimes unhelpful thoughts would pop up. Unhelpful thoughts like ‘maybe my goal to drink more plain green tea with honey instead of green tea lattees will not only mean I’ll have less anxiety due to less sugar intake, but I’ll also get thinner’, or ‘the cardio I’m doing might shift me down to a size 14’.
The practice of mindfulness has helped me to be aware of these thoughts when they arise and for the most part I would simply acknowledge what I was feeling and the thoughts would pass through my head and my heart without causing too much havoc….and I would carry on. But I would wonder how much that little niggle was influencing my motivations and decisions.
A few days ago, I had one of those epiphanies….an ‘aha’ moment in which I saw my body as it is and revelled in it. I could feel the hope of the ‘possible future body’ finally be fully released – and a feeling of such joy and relief enveloped me. I realized on a deep level that this is the body I have, and I likely will stay this size (or very close to it) for the rest of my life. And not only is that OK in that “I can live with that”, but it is OK such as “that is awesome”, because my body does not need changing. I don’t need to change it to be at my best health, to feel attractive, or to love and be loved. I am truly accepting that I am not a ‘before’ picture. This body, the way it is, I am content with.
Do you know how freakin awesome that is!? As much as I had a squashed that ‘possible future body’ hope into a tiny little ball and tucked it far away, I did not realize how much space that it had taken up in my head and my heart. And now there is more room for other things…being creative, learning, loving.
What would you like to let go? What would make more room for?
xo,
Syd