Many of us are all too well acquainted with the Inner Critic. The voice in our head that constantly criticizes, belittles, and judges us. Originally, our inner critic had a positive function: to ensure our survival. This includes not just spotting danger in our environment but also inner work in the form of psychological sense making. But what might be a sensible survival mechanism in childhood can turn into a truly debilitating handicap in adulthood. Especially as our culture does not value or encourage us to develop a relationship of compassion for ourselves. Because of this, many of us do not have access to another, more helpful inner voice – the Inner Ally.
Self compassion is, I believe, one of the most important yet underutilized and misunderstood tools in our mental health toolkit. The positive effects of developing a nurturing mindset on our mental wellbeing, motivation, confidence and relationships are becoming more recognised and understood through recent the work of writers and researchers like Kristen Neff and Christopher Learmer. I have embraced Compassion Focussed Therapy as the foundation of my psychotherapy practice and have witnessed the power of learning to notice and respond to our own pain like we would with someone we care about – with kindness and compassion. A major part of this work is identifying and interrupting the unhelpful loud voice of the Inner Critic. The good news is, we also have an Inner Ally who has long waited to help us – we just need to cultivate a relationship with this part of our psyche.
The Inner Ally is the part of you that understands your pain. It is the part that doesn’t judge, and holds you in kindness. By intentionally cultivating it’s voice, our inner dialogue can shift from something that is constantly criticizing to a more balanced mindful observer, providing ourselves the safety and wisdom to more effectively navigate the challenges of life. You may feel like this part of you doesn’t exist, it does. We are often just not able to hear the messages and support from our Inner Ally because we’ve tuned them out and turned the volume down. We’ve been conditioned to believe kindness to ourselves is dangerous and week. But this is not true – self kindness is the foundation for inner strength and courage.
If you are interested in discovering and getting to know your Inner Ally, I’m happy to share this exercise with you: https://youtu.be/DY_ccU39GRo